February 16
This wasn’t my first interaction with a Shaman. After my
first experience seeing a Shaman, and hearing stories of other peoples’
experiences, I feel like the Shaman in the DMT experience is the heavy lifter.
He’s the one doing the dirty work. He isn’t there to show you pretty colors or
explain the meaning of love. When you encounter him, he’s all business.
Be polite. Show him love and gratitude. Now, sit down,
shut up, and do as you’re instructed.
The purpose for my visit was to address this fear of
heights that has gradually affected me more as I have gotten older. As a child
and young adult, it never affected me. At some point in my life I started to feel
very uneasy at heights. It’s not so much the height or distance above ground as
much as it’s like vertigo and I feel too dizzy to stabilize myself and I start
to freeze up. I can normally just avoid these situations and put on a cool face,
but with my new job I have to use ladders and work on tower decks at heights. I’ve
worked so hard to get here, I have to find a way to address this fear.
As the vision began, I approached a golden brick
structure with a doorway. The same as I had seen in a previous experience where
Ganesh met me at the doorway. This time it was a Shaman waiting for me. He told
me I could not enter yet. First I must give in order to receive. I wasn’t sure what
to give him. I began to think about how much love I have been shown in my all
my journeys, and how grateful I am for the experiences. I realized that love
and gratitude are the true currency of the universe.
I told the Shaman I offer him my love and gratitude. He
gave me an approving look and the doorway behind him opened. He motioned for me
to follow him in. As we travelled and searched these long corridors with
multiple rooms, the Shaman told me the golden structure represented my body.
Each brick, room, corridor represented a different part of me – All my feelings
and experiences.
We stopped in a room, which looked like every other room
we had already passed. The Shaman said he found it. The source of my fear of
heights. He grasped the end of a brick and began pulling it from the wall. Simultaneously
I could see the same brick being pulled from my chest. Just as he was pulling
the last of the brick out, he told me fear is a choice. Then he held the brick
high above his head and started yelling something in a language I didn’t
understand. That’s when he gave me a big spartan kick and I fell backwards and
landed on the back of a lion.
Apparently, his work with me was finished.
The lion ran fast back to the golden doorway. As I looked back at the Shaman, he still had the brick raised in the air, and was still yelling or chanting loudly. He faded away in the distance.
This was a rare case of experiencing what I had intended
to see.
In the following days and weeks I have noticed a change
in my fear of heights. My first day back at work, I chose the tallest structure
in my unit and climbed straight to the top. It hasn’t been a sudden change and
has not disappeared overnight. I have become less uncomfortable and keep reminding
myself fear is a choice. I’ll continue working on desensitizing myself.