Handshake

 

March 12.

I had arranged to meet my son, 23 years of age, and my cousin for a hike in some local foothills for some exercise. It’s an area I have hiked and scouted in the past but neither my son nor my cousin had been there before. Psychedelics or not, it’s still valuable time spent in nature with good company getting exercise, so it’s not a waste.

Six miles round trip and about 2000ft gain. We planned to bring weighted packs for a little extra challenge, and if the vibes were right, we would look for a quiet place to settle in and expand our minds. The weighted packs were quick to remind us how out of shape we were.

Halfway up the trail there was still snow covering the trail. We slipped and high-stepped our way to the top where there was a large clear cut and a great view of the surrounding hills. I was getting anxious to string up my hammock and take a break, but the cold wind was not forgiving.

We trekked about a half mile back down into the tree cover. We found a nice, secluded area in the trees that was out of the wind, and relatively “dry” compared to everything else.

The hammock was up within a couple minutes along with my makeshift poncho/rain fly (Thanks for the recommendation, Brandon!). We made quick work of getting a fire started and got settled.

This was my first experience with DMT. After hearing about it in numerous videos and interviews; Reading about people’s reflection afterwards and how it helped them, I was very curious.

Brandon went first, more or less to say “see, it’s not so bad”. Within seconds he was laid back and giggling. Mere minutes later he’s back sitting up and completely coherent.

I was next, and I didn’t hesitate to dive right in. As a rule I don’t smoke anything, and haven’t really made any attempt since high school, and it showed. I don’t know if it was just my weak lungs, or the fact that I hadn’t really prepared and set any intention for this experience, but I got almost nothing from this first attempt other than a slight feeling of euphoria. I decided to take some time to clear my head while my son tried his first attempt. Just like Brandon, he was in and back out in minutes.

 

It was my turn again. I worked on clearing my mind of all distractions and made sure I was lying comfortably. With my lackluster ability to take a full drag and hold it, I decided to take more, smaller hits. I just kept puffing away until I was almost too disoriented for another. That’s when my cousin Brandon stepped in and held the vape pen for me and I got one more pull before my mind had felt too far separated from my physical body to continue. The only way I can describe the immediate feeling is as if there is a simultaneous pressure and vacuum that transports your conscience somewhere outside of yourself.

The warm euphoric feeling that followed and the intense kaleidoscope of colors was something that is very difficult to describe as well. Once I was able to move beyond the kaleidoscope, I entered what felt like a womb. As I attempted to study what surrounded me, my eyes caught what looked like two little pinholes of light. Almost like stars. When I focused on them, they drew near me and began moving on their own and I realized they were eyes. Suddenly a silhouette of a woman materialized around these eyes. They were almost reptile like, and I could not make out any other details. It was then that this woman entity communicated with me. She told me that she was my true mother, and that I am loved, but I am not ready.

Ready for what?

As I began to drift out of my trip, she danced for me. I could faintly hear the sound of rain drops falling on the cover above me. As each drop hit with a “tap” it bled into my vision as another set of eyes in the distance, which became what seemed like hundreds of eyes looking at me.

And then I opened my eyes.

 

The walk back down the trail was pretty quiet. I was lost in thought and a little dumbfounded at what I had experienced. It had every characteristic of a dream, except that I was fully conscious the entire time. I had no concept of the time that had passed and could not recall even feeling my physical body. The visions were not physical like a photo or a video, it’s a very intuitive experience that requires an open mind and the ability to just let go and allow it to happen. Do not push out the thoughts or feelings that arrive, I feel like it’s something you are being shown that is separate from yourself.

But I was left with more questions than answers. We’ll see what the next trip has to offer.